Christopher Francis Ocean, more commonly known as Frank Ocean, is an American singer-songwriter from Long Beach, California born in 1987. As a young teen, he moved to Los Angeles to jumpstart his career in music. He soon became a writer for major pop stars, such as Justin Bieber and Beyoncé. It was not until 2011, however, that he began to produce his own music.
In 2016, Frank Ocean released his second album, Blonde. The album is particularly interesting in that it includes two short skits along with fifteen other songs. One of the skits, titled Be Yourself, offers advice to young adults struggling with peer pressure and the abuse of drugs and alcohol. The skit is recorded to sound like a voicemail in the voice of Frank Ocean’s mother. The purpose of the skit is to draw attention to modern day pressures faced by teenagers and young adults.
The second skit also deals with modern day pressures, but involves the use of social media. The skit, titled Facebook Story, is a voice recording of Ocean’s friend and collaborator, SebastiAn. This skit will be analyzed to give a deeper understanding of the conflict that occurs between SebastiAn and his partner, as well as to determine how the conflict could have been better managed by the couple.
Please listen to the following link to Frank Ocean’s, Facebook Story.
The following lyrics, provided by Genius Media Group, are provided as well to better aid this analysis:
I was just telling that I got this girl before
And I was together since 3 years
And I was not even cheating her or what
And Facebook arrived and
She wanted me to accept her on Facebook
And I don’t want it because I was like in front of her
And she told me like “Accept me on Facebook”
It was virtual, means no sense
So I say, “I’m in front of you, I don’t need to accept you on Facebook”
She started to be crazy
She thought that because I didn’t accept her
She thought I was cheating
She told me like, “It’s over, I can’t believe you”
I said, “Come on, you’re crazy, because like, I’m in front of you, I’m every day, here in your house”
That’s, it means like it’s jealousy
Pure jealousy for nothing
You know, virtual thing
After listening to the skit and reading the dialogue, one can acknowledge that there are many dimensions of conflict in just this one-minute production. On the surface, it is clear that SebastiAn and his partner have differing opinions on social media, specifically Facebook. SebastiAn does not find importance in “friending” people on social media if he has an in-person relationship with them. His partner, however, feels that SebastiAn’s reluctance to make their relationship public makes him secretive and unfaithful.
As explained by Joyce Hocker and William Wilmot in their textbook, Interpersonal Conflict, there is always more than one goal at play during a conflict. The act of friending a person on Facebook, or not, is a topic goal. Topic goals, as defined by Hocker and Wilmot, “emerge as different ideas about what to do, what decisions to make, where to go, how to allocate resources, or other externally objectifiable issues” (2011, p. 75). It is clear that this couple’s topic goals are not the same. Along with topic goals, which are the easiest to distinguish, there are also relational goals, identity or face-saving goals, or process goals at play within all conflicts. If you look further into the scenario explained by SebastiAn, one can further understand the roles of relational and identity goals in his conflict (Hocker & Wilmot, 2011, p. 77-80).
Relational goals “define how each party wants to be treated by the other” and “how they define themselves as a unit” (Hocker & Wilmot, 2011, p. 77). The couple has different relational goals in terms of their social media use and how they want to be treated by their partner on social media. SebastiAn’s partner felt disrespected in his refusal to accept her friend request on Facebook. She not only wants their relationship to exist in the physical world, but she wants it to be present in the virtual world as well. She feels that making their relationship public is important when it comes to defining the strength and sense of mutuality of their relationship.
SebastiAn, however, does not view a virtual relationship as being pertinent in defining the strength of their physical relationship. He feels that his partner is acting “crazy,” because she places such emphasis on extending their relationship to the virtual realm. SebastiAn feels that their relationship is defined based on their in-person interactions. He states, “I’m every day, here in your house” (Genius Media Group, 2019). Both partners agree that they are a unit, but they differ on how they wish to be treated.
Furthermore, the couple’s identity goals also come into play in their conflict. As described by Hocker and Wilmot, identity goals “include specific desires to maintain one’s sense of self-identity” (2011, p. 81). When a person’s identity goals are threatened, they tend to become highly defensive, or even destructive, in the conflict. Identity goals are harder to distinguish, but it is arguable that SebastiAn’s partner’s identity goals were threatened throughout their conflict. This ultimately led her to leave the relationship stating, “It’s over, I can’t believe you” (Genius Media Group, 2019).
When SebastiAn refused to accept the Facebook friend request, his partner felt a loss of face. It is unclear if SebastiAn outwardly called his partner “crazy,” but his emotions and sense of disproval were ultimately sensed by his partner. She did not feel that her request was crazy in any form, so her sense-of-self was threatened. Furthermore, her conclusions that SebastiAn may have been cheating could have also led to a loss of face. As previously explained, when our sense-of-self is threatened, we are likely to act abruptly or destructively in our conflicts. That is why SebastiAn’s partner chose to end the relationship.
It is sometimes difficult to distinguish when our actions will lead to a loss of face for others, but the results may be irreversible. In terms of the conflict present in Frank Ocean’s Facebook Story, SebastiAn’s partner’s loss of face was irreversible and completely destructive to the relationship. After this analysis, we hope that our readers can understand that not all conflicts are as simple as they may seem. Topic goals are always driven by deeper, more personal goals. If SebastiAn and his partner would have been more transparent in describing these underlying goals, then their relationship possibly could have been saved. We hope that this analysis enlightens our readers to take a closer look into their conflicts and look for these hidden goals, both within themselves and within those who they conflict with. Until these goals are addressed, no conflict will ever be truly resolved.
References
Akchote-Bozovic, S., & Ocean, C. F. (2016). Facebook Story. On Blonde [CD]. London: Abbey Road Studios.
Blonded. [Blonded]. (2017, July 6). Facebook story. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2xgmbgCtM8
Genius Media Group. (2019). Facebook story lyrics. Genius Media Group, Inc. Retrieved from https://genius.com/Frank-ocean-facebook-story-lyrics
Hocker, J.L., & Wilmot, W.W. (2011). Interpersonal conflict. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Education.
Conflict Management 