This clip shows a dinner scene from the Pixar movie Inside Out. The light and topical conversation quickly turns into an interaction full of raised voices and charged negative emotions.
In this scene, Riley responds to her mother’s excited comment regarding a local hockey team with, “Oh that sounds fantastic,” which is a sarcastic remark. According to Hocker and Wilmot, this can be described as contempt because Riley is mocking her mother’s suggestion in order to put herself on a higher plane (Hocker & Wilmot, 2011, p. 27).
While watching this clip I encourage you as the viewer to look at how Riley’s use of contempt right off the bat signals emergency to her mother.
Riley then responds to her mother’s inquiry about school with “um it was fine I guess …I don’t know,” which shows her lack of cooperation. After this moment, an escalatory spiral/ spiral of negativity begins marked by the sequence of behaviors from all parties at the table. Consequently, the relational quality is compromised. Riley responds to her mother’s inquiry about school with “um it was fine I guess …I don’t know,” which shows her lack of cooperation. Her mother then calls in for back up from the father.
Next, Riley rolls her eyes which perpetuates the spiral of negativity even further because that is an attack on the face of her father. He perceives that Riley’s behavior towards him is not acceptable because he is her father. Behaviors, perceptions of the other, and perceptions of the relationship is what causes the cascade of negative effects (Hocker & Wilmot, 2011, p. 33). He signals to Riley that her behavior is not acceptable by saying “I do not like this new attitude.” As a result, the interaction becomes laden with emotion causing the exchange to become damaging. This video uses siren sound effects to show the escalation in emotion which eventually leads Riley to tell her father to “shut up.”
We see in this video that escalatory conflicts have only one direction, and when the relationship keeps circling around damaging ends, destruction is bound to occur. The escalation was caused by the absence of direct communication and the presence of avoidance and contempt.
At the end of the movie, it is revealed that Riley was using contempt as a way to save face (Hocker & Wilmot, 2011, p. 80). When she was finally honest with her parents, it is apparent that when she moved she was stripped away from her friends, school, sports, and other things that constitute her identity. By using “I” statements Riley was able to communicate why she was so upset since they moved. After communicating her true her parents were able to give her support.
Riley’s parents could have reasoned with her better in the first clip by softening contempt and refusing to engage in destructive communication. When she was being disrespectful her father could have responded with something like, “I will not let you speak to me like this,” or “This conversation is not working I am going to stop talking with you.” Disengagement plays a key role in preventing escalatory spirals (Hocker & Wilmot, 2011, p. 27).
References
Hocker, J. L., & Wilmot, W. W. (2011). Interpersonal conflict. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Education.
Inside Out. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjgdiy_SGjA
Conflict Management 